dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm always down for nudity.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
