I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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