Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
