Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
