apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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