i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
They have beer where we have blood.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
