oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
