well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have already put on my inside pants.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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