tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize