Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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