I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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