A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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