I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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