Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
