If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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