If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
