What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
