I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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