Life is so much better after having sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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