I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
