By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
