just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
