Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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