Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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