my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
