well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
