Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
