I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
