Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
