Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
