I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
