TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
