ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
