either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
