I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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