you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
