I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
