I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
