I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
