with your own penis?
You smell like stripper and shame
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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