wakey wakey hands off snakey
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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