Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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