how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I smell like Dick and happiness
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
