it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This baby is an asshole
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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