We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
