The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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