so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
