You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
