Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
