mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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