Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
