Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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