New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
