YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
