apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
