Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
