does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
