I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
