It's Friday. Sex?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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