Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
