I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
