It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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