I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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